..do you actually do any work? If find it hard to believe that you do. Please clue me in. -Dad.”

Uh, that’s not very nice. I do lots of work! Let’s watch.

..and we need your help with some follow-up ideas to our soon-to-be summer blockbuster, ‘Snake on a Plane’. you came highly recommended to us from various sources. Best regards, Phil”

Sure thing, imaginary reader.

Here we have..

Planning on seeing some historic barns this autumn? Not if you see

Like brushing your teeth? You’ll never brush your teeth again after seeing

Your dog walking days are over after watching

Imagine the pure horror of

It’s pretty much all over once you have

Classically trained actors everywhere cringe at the thought of watching

Honestly I just phoned in this idea for

Snakes on a train? I think I could handle that.

Snakes in a vein? Well sir, now you’ve got my attention.